does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
