how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
