Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
