i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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