i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
