I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
