HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
