god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
