he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
