Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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