too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
