i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
