the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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