No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
