my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
