How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
