Are we in a gay sports bar?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
