what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
