So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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