plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
