just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
