got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
