I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
