You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
