did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
