trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize