new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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