All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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