Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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