The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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