Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
