If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
