so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
