I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize