I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
