you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize