There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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