My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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