dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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