I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
