i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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