if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Damn victory sex feels great
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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