If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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