Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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