My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
