How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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