I can't breathe out the right side of my face
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
