Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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