Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my liver is dry heaving
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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