Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize