Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
