i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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