i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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