I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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