So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
