I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
