so explain again why im purple
no
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
