the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
