I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
