Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
